Absolute Insanity

5.00 O'Clock in the morning after a full nighter, this was the best I could come up with. Got a decent grade on it so I'm happy. Reads a bit funny though. Maybe that's just the lack of sleep peeking through again!

I’m crazed. Too much thinking has fried my brain. I’ve lost the most integral part of me. I’m no longer capable of coherent thought.

Wait a second. This is coherent thinking. Then how can I be incapable of it? So now I’m all confused because I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking but I’m also certain that I can’t be thinking. Unfortunately for me, writing this means that I am thinking and since I’m thinking, I must not be as crazed as I believe myself to be. In which case, because I think I’m crazed while I’m not really, I must be delusional at the least.

At this point, Mind has descended into its native hibernation state in which it feels most comfortable. Unlike popularly accepted scientific notions of the brain as the thinking organ of this body of ours, I believe that Mind only functions approximately 17% of the time that I am awake. On the contrary, it works 93% of the time while I’m asleep. This generally means that I end up doing most of my thinking while I’m asleep.

Unfortunately for me, while not adhering to certain scientific notions of activity, Mind has decided that it will adhere to others. In this regard, while most of my thought processes occur in my sleep, Mind refuses to remember them while I’m awake since that would not agree with the principles of human physiology that Mind regards as essential and factual.

In essence, this means that although I am a fully functional, thinking human being by definition, I am only about 22% as efficient in my mental processing as other members of the species. Sadly, I have also discovered after almost 22 years of relentless research that the mental processes that take place inside Mind during my sleeping hours are the most profoundly invigorating thoughts that I possess. Yet again, I would like to iterate the fact that I do not remember any of this upon awakening. Proper scientific research, using the most advanced methods, shows this to be the case.

At this juncture, I must examine a very integral factor of this perplexing situation: Mind is not influence in any way by its surroundings. Once again, unlike other people who respond to their environments, Mind decided a long time ago that it did not enjoy modifying itself upon the present situation. Therefore, although Mind responds to these situations, it does so at its own whim. Often, Mind decides to respond to certain stimuli at the most inopportune times. The most recent of these was when I was in a discussion with my history professor who happens to be a “man’s man”. Mind decided this was the perfect time to respond to the adult-movie I had watched with a group of friend last week. This naturally left me with a significant amount of explanations to give and apologies to make.

Other then denying claims of homosexuality, I have often had to apologize for inadvertent outbursts of abusive language, inappropriate behavior during classes and greater-than-usual number of visits to the loo. Most Normals around me have begun to regard me as a rather peculiar character and some even circle around me if they spot me headed in their direction. I have been told that I make a decent first impression but its all down-hill from there.

As far as my life is concerned, it does not matter where I am. My situation, my background and my circumstance are of no significance. What matters is what is inside Mind and what Mind tells me to do. Which is probably why I’m locked up in this room with the foam-padded white walls. Its probably why they put these strange clothes on me so that I can’t even move my hands. I’m just trying to convince myself that this is all a creation of Mind.