All around me, people have been waxing eloquent on the wonderful treasure of friends that they possess. You guys are all really lucky to have a group of people around you who care about you, hurt when you hurt, cry when you cry, smile when you smile and point their fingers at you and crack up when you make a fool of yourselves. You people are really lucky to have a group of friends around you when you need them for consolation and comfort. I envy each and everyone of you!

ME?

I got stuck with a bunch of whiny-ass-bitches who all seem to have love problems at the same time! It's almost a divine conspiracy to keep me occupied with other people's love problems and prevent me from enjoying my very-satisfying love-life! Each day, one of these whiny-ass-bitches comes upto me and tells me all about how the girl/guy of their dreams is being a total fuck-hole and not giving them the time of day. The very next day, these whiny-ass-bitches come to me and explain how exactly they're sick of the girl/guy they were in love with yesterday and now want another guy/girl they saw at a party once and have never seen again. What my whiny-ass-Cinderella-bitches don't understand is that it would require a never-ending series of pig-flight to ensure that the babelicious girl/guy they're drooling over even looks at these ugly-whiny-ass-bitches. Now I don’t like to knock on my whiny-ass-bitches but still, man! They just need to get a life!

And for sure I'm not so high-n-mighty as to think that I have a life. But really, Dudes 'n' Dudettes, how often do I ever really crib? The worst I ever do is say that my life is bad but I'm making it better. All you whiny-ass-bitches need to take control too. It's about bloody time!

Oh, just one more thing. All of you whiny-ass-bitches need an attitude adjustment in general. You whiny-ass-bitches need to understand that in the grand scope of things, your problems, whether of love or of lack thereof, are miniscule compared to the greater tragedies of the world. I love my whiny-ass-bitches but even I have to admit that sometimes your issues seem so trivial that I can’t see how you can even consider them worth a second look.

Some of my whiny-ass-bitches are here with me. Other whiny-ass-bitches live far away. Yet, they are all connected to me in this unbreakable, one-sided bond of cribbing that they maintain in order to off-load their whiny-ass-bitchiness on poor ol’ me.

Just remember my dear whiny-ass-bitches, I love you all to death despite your pain-in-my-ass existence