Had a couple of bombshells dropped on me in the last 3 days. It's always unnerving because for one thing I really don't know how to react. Also, I have absolutely no clue where these nukes are coming from. See, as far as I was concerned my life was all pretty and pink. Hunky dory! Then out of no where come people barraging me with all them crazy notions of relationships and shadi. I mean I'm as enthused by the concept of mangni as the next guy but, like, HULLLLOo0o0o0o0o0o.

Khair, at this point that's the least of my worries. I have bigger issues to deal with. Top of the list is my decision to somehow find a certain level of emotional independence. Don't know when exactly it was that I realized that my life was all about finding my happiness in the pleasure of others. Don't know when precisely I knew that I needed to minimize this dependence on others. Right now though, I'm a fish flopping around on the carpet coz somebody decided my bowl wasn't the right place for me anymore. Somebody (in this case more than one person) decided that toying with my life is delightfully fun and entertaining. So off they go on their self-prescribed, self-dictated missions. Mission: Mindfuck Saad like my bloody life wasn't complicated enough.

Well, like I've said a million times before, as advice to all my friends, live in the here-and-now. Figure out what you want today. Understand your mind/heart/emotions/feelings as they exist today. As and when they change, be true to yourself and to all those concerned by informing them of the way you feel.

And finally, honesty is not about how much you tell. It's about the "truth-value" of what you tell. That is the definition I had worked under most of my life. For some people though, I've had to modify this definition. I've had to be "honest" by telling them everything even if it hurts at times. I guess like everything else in the world, I need to re-evaluate my definition of this term as well.

So much for the confidence I had in myself.

Thank you for the bombings!!!