Teaching a guy how to proceed with the process of flirtation and acquisition of a female that he craves is an enlightening process. You end up learning more about yourself at times. You might realize just how accomplished you are at techniques of ensuring that a particular girl is left thinking of you constantly. You might realize how good you are at what you do. Most of all, you might realize how easy this game of cat and mouse has become. It's formulaic to the extent of being prosaic.

Incredibly, a number of men that I know, boys to be more precise, are unaware of the intricacies and complexities of this formula. Similarly it seems that women are mostly still clueless about the 'tricks of the trade' as it were. I know some women who who claim to only pretend to be clueless. They claim that they are well aware of a flirt when he comes their way. Yet, I know for a fact that they'd fall for that same flirtatious flattery over and over again!

After a series of discussions with some innocent female friends, and a number of equally clueless male friends, I have reached a mind-numbing conclusion. Mind-numbing for me because I simply cannot understand how men and women over the age of 18 can be so very innocent about the flirting techniques necessary for all male-female interaction. Is it just me or has the entire crop of young adults degenerated into socially handicapped morons who can neither flirt themselves, nor spot a coquettish line coming their way even if it were highlighted and tagged red?

This particular social inaptitude, glaring evidence of which I see everyday around me, has forced me to present to you at least one side of the two-way street defining male-female social interaction.

To begin with, you must all first and without any qualification or modification accept the wisdom and absolute Truth of the Ladder Theory. The theory is 100% accurate and true and denial of its postulates will only result in a twisted, convoluted view of life.

Now, we begin...

Guy meets girl. Guy likes girl. Guy talks to girl.
It really can't be any simpler than this. Random conversation, without the attempted utilization of cliched pick-up lines, is the easiest way to infiltrate enemy grounds. I've taken this first step talking about everything from the weather to a sandwich to the particularly pungent smell emitted from a trash-can!

A couple of conversations later, all of which should be easy if you got Step 1 right, you get a contact; phone number, email, MSN just about anything will do. Then, after waiting approximately 24 hours, you get back to her about something she said or did. You remind her of it and tell her in a semi-serious tone that she hurt you and owes you dinner for it. My own personal favorite excuse for calling someone up after getting their phone number is to check that it is their number--I tell them I have to check coz most nice, attractive, smart, funny, pretty girls don't give a leach like me their numbers! Humor, my dear student, is your greatest ally. the cliched hansee tu phansee adage is absolute, divine Truth!

The next step is to get her to go out on a date with you. This is generally the point where the novice is lost for a course of action.

Remember one thing: if you've covered the course thus far, then she's already aware of your interest in her. She already knows you want her and this is the point of no return for both of you. If she continues to talk to you, she's tolerant of your advances at the very least--hopefully, she's interested herself. If she runs away from you regularly, realize that it's a lost cause and move on to more fertile grounds. This rule is not applicable in cases where professions of undying love for her are already being secretly made to friends.

If she continues to talk to you, you will find a reason to make her treat you. For the most unusually minute achievement, whether or not you were connected in anyway, she must treat you. You killed a mosquito that was buzzing above her head thus saving her life from a blood-thirsty vampire...she owes you a steak. You carried her books because she'd broken both arms and had her leg in a cast...she owes you dinner at Arizona Grill. You opened a door for her...she should forever worship the ground you walk on and treat you to ice-cream at HotSpot. She will obviously refuse the first time; girls always do. Eventually though, after you have told her often enough how you deserve to be enshrined in Valhalla for your Honor, valor and Gentlemanly behavior, she will settle for a compromise and offer you a cold-drink and chips at the canteen. Graciously accept while reminding her she owes you a whole lot more.

Call her the next day and tell her that a bunch of friends are going out that weekend for coffee and she should come along and cover up that treat she owes you. After initial resistance, she'll agree if she has no prior commitments. Meet her with flowers/chocolates (obviously!) and take her to the coffee shop. When she asks where your friends are, tell her you lied to get her to come out with you. Flash an innocent, angelic, naughty-boy smile (if you don't know what that is, watch a 4-year-old who's broken his mother's best crystal) and apologize. If she slaps you and walks off, she had no sense of humor and didn't deserve you anyway.

If she smiles back and says how much of a pain you are, she's yours!

That, my laddies, concludes the first module of How To Get a Girl--For Dummies.