Prepare for a long, oft-senseless ramble.

The contemporary woman, career oriented, driven and focused, is someone I no longer respect.

My mother worked her entire life. Woke up in the morning, made breakfast for her children, dressed us and sent us off to school. Then she'd go to work herself. By the time she got back, we'd come home, had lunch, had our sleep and we ready to go out and play. She made sure we did that. She made sure we studied, too. She made sure that when we were done with both, we had dinner on the table. There was never a time when her children got in the way of her career.

Family did eventually. After working for 23 years she had to quit because there was no one else to take care of her mother and her mother-in-law. That was mummy's new job: taking care of the two women. And she did it admirably for a couple of years before nanna and then amma passed away. By then, mummy was too old and too tired to really want a career anymore.

Mummy and daddy were married when they were both old enough and settled well enough into their careers. Mummy was 27. She was already working at the bank by then.

The problem today is that I see all these career-oriented, supposedly sensible and smart young women messing up their lives and those of others around them. I see them convinced that in order to achieve success they must necessarily become emotionless and detached. They turn cynical and bitter. And then they blame the men in their lives.

The level of detachment extends to professions of love. Yet, it’s a flawed kind of love which is love without real emotions. If you can make yourself believe that you can be away from someone, not talk to them, not be around them and live, then you’re not in love.

What I don't get, and probably never will, is the willingness to blame men you were in a relationship with for ruining your life or getting in the way of your career. If you're not married to him and he's getting in your way, cut him off. Get rid of him. But be honest about it for god's sake! Stop pretending that you're doing it for other reasons. Stop pretending that it's anything but your desire to excel and that he hinders it.

But if you can’t conscientiously say that he gets in the way of your work, if he supports and promotes your career and if he stands behind you every step of the way, then accept that it is you who is to blame. You are the one unable to find balance. You are the one unable to cope with the demands of a relationship and a career. The shortcoming is yours. Accept. Admit. Remedy.

Then if you tell him to fuck off, don’t blame him. Don’t say that he’s destroyed your life.

Life is all about balance. Life is about finding the median. I respect the extremists around me because I know that they battle with life everyday. But they battle because they need balance. We all do.

Love is insane. It’s crazy. It’s stupid. Love does silly things to you. But even love takes working out. If women today—and I know many who fall in this category—cannot cope with having careers and relationships, then why bother? Have one. Don’t get into the other unless you know you can manage both as equally as possible. When you profess your love to a man, let him know that there’s someone else you love more—yourself.

That self-love, translated into the need for professional and personal satisfaction, is what gets in the way of relationships. Accept. Admit. Remedy.

Stop running away.

Three very close friends are currently suffering from a similar predicament. Normally, I’d advise, convince and prod them into moving on and finding someone who really cares. This time, at least in the two cases where I know it’s the Real Deal, I’m refraining.

However, being dumped for another man is easy to swallow. Being dumped for the woman you love is pure misery.

Ladies, my mother found balance all her life. You can too. Otherwise, I suggest you stay away from making the commitment in the first place.