Just read Xeb's post. I'd written something along the same lines ages ago. Figured I'd put it up. It's not as entertaining as her piece. Personally I think it's a shoddy piece of writing. but I have nothing else to do right now so...

Wanted
Beautiful, intelligent, smart, attractive, chaste, pure, ingenious and pious girl.

I am looking for a girl with the above mentioned qualities for my son. While possessing these qualities, she must also be able to cook, clean, wash and perform various other chores around the house.

She must be able to cook many different dishes. Knowledge of a variety of Pakistani, Chinese, Continental and various other types of food dishes must be at her finger-tips. She should be able to cook multiple dishes for large functions of up to one hundred people on a four hour notice at most. The menu for these functions must also include two different types of dishes. Since such functions will occur twice every month, she must know enough different types of food so as not to make the same dish more than once a year. All this must be done while spending the least amount of money.

Carrying on from the above, she must be very good at managing the accounts of the house and for this purpose must have thorough knowledge of accounting procedures. Keeping in mind the current rate of inflation, she must not be thrifty and must know how to spend the generous amount of 100 rupees a month for her personal expenses.

It would be an added advantage for any candidate if she can utilize a maximum of two pairs of clothes for one year.

She must be well versed in poetry in Urdu and Punjabi. She must also be fluent in English in order to be able to teach her children in the future.(For this purpose, she must also know geometry, arithmetic, algebra, calculus, history, geography, physics, chemistry, biology, sociology, philosophy, computers and economics.) However, she must never use any words of English in front of my son because he will have trouble understanding her.

She must also be a deft cleaner and be able to dust and vacuum the house while taking care of the cooking and ironing clothes as well. She must be able to wash clothes and dishes in quick time and with dexterity.

All candidates must be of ages between eighteen and twenty-one. They must also be able to supplant the household income from whatever employment they may secure or already hold. Out of their income, they will receive the above-mentioned generous amount of 100 rupees a month for purely personal expenditure.

The boy is of mature age and very good looking. He has a very broad fore-head which is a sign of good fortune. His grey hair, add grace and maturity to his features.

His greatest asset is that he will be available at home all day for companionship.

All interested candidates should call 0300-4209211.