If it wasn't enough that women demanded labels for every relationship you've ever been in, Facebook does the same. It's not a requirement, obviously. You don't need to define it and have it confirmed by the other person. Really, you don't have to do it. Facebook understands if you'r enot sure of your own feelings and emotions and need time to figure out what a person means to you. Which is why Facebook will allow you time to define relationships. And if you don't want to give your relationships a label then it's ok. But then Facebook has the right to continue to ask you, "How do you know this person?"

It's not something severely explicit or in-your-face. It's just a subtle tone, a hint, a disapproving glance. And once you do decide that you want to provide a label for your relationship, Facebook wants you to be precise enough to trace lineage back 5 generations. Where, when, how, why and through whom did you meet a person and what's the current status of your relationship? While we're at it, where did you take her for your first date, how long before you had sex and how often did you have sex? Was she better than Facebook? Did she give you more than Facebook does? Did she make you happier? She did oral, didn't she? The slut!!!

After you're through defining and labeling each relationship you've ever had and every person you've ever known, Faceboko provides you with a social timeline. So, not only are you made to tell where, when, how, why and through whom, you're then presented with what your life has been like thus far. Soon enough Facebook will be telling you who you can and cannot talk to, why you shouldn't smile at women and how every girl who looks at you is a promiscuous, randy whore and needs to keep her slutty eyes off you.

While doing all this, Facebook takes all your pictures and makes you point out everyone in it and links the picture to the person if they're on the Facebook network. The beta version of Facebook will apparently send hate mail to those women in your pictures wearing low necks, short skirts or getting too 'chummy' with you.

I could go on -- and I assure you I will eventually -- but for now I'm off to cater to the demanding relationship that I've submitted to.

This is why I love women.